In Defence of Nice Guys

After reading Amanda’s open letter to nice guys, one gets the impression that she was knocked back by someone she thought was a nice guy.

It sounds like there was a nice guy in her life that she finally thought was shaggable and when she went in he said ‘WHOA! No babe, we’re just friends.’ And that’s where all this bitterness comes from. Thanks for the lecture, Amanda, but you’re a bit off target. Sure, maybe some guys play the nice card to get laid, but some of us are just there because that’s what friends are for. Most of my best friends are women, always have been (well not so much when I was a little boy) and apparently always will be. It’s just how I am. I’m not so drawn to blokey guys as I am to intelligent women. They are my friends. They are my buddies.I have quite a few of them and I don’t want to fuck them all. I don’t want to fuck any of them.

I’m in a relationship with a pretty damned awesome and hot woman, but I am more than happy to be there for my friends who are girls when needed because they are quality people. I think too many people get screwed up about, well, the screwing thing. The implication is that the ultimate goal in human relations is to have sex. Certainly that seems to be the message in Amanda’s piece; that hoary old chestnut about friends of the opposite sex not being able to maintain a friendship without bonking being the elephant in the room.

Sometimes a guy can be your friend just because. Sometimes there is no ulterior motive. Sometimes that hug is just a hug. Sometimes an afternoon of getting drunk and talking and laughing is just time spent enjoying each other’s company. Sometimes when they need a shoulder to cry on you are just there because that’s what you are there for. It isn’t always about fucking.

I feel sorry for people who think that the ultimate goal is fucking. What a crappy little ultimate goal. Sure, swapping orgasms is a lot of fun, but it’s hardly the ultimate goal. It’s just wriggling, poking, squirting, clenching and pulling funny faces for a while. That’s your target? That’s the inevitable outcome of every interaction with a member of the opposite sex?

I dunno. I’m glad I don’t think it’s all about the fucking, as Amanda appears to. And I’m glad my friends don’t either. I’m glad I can hang out with my friends who are girls and talk and laugh and confide without the prospect of rooting coming into it. I’m glad we can tell each other that we love and sometimes miss each other without it being interpreted as I want to fuck you. I’m glad we can lay on the ground at a dance festival and look at the stars and talk nonsense without getting horny.

And I’m glad my friends who are girls feel the same way.

Image Credit: Vara

Read the original article from Warhol's Children here.