The Letterman Style Guide to Dominatrix Types

If you’re a Dominatrix, I’ve probably shagged you. Not you in particular, but someone like you. I’ve seen all kinds, and let’s face it, there are many. So, who am I not to share, albeit Letterman style, the different variations I’ve encountered with our domineering friends. Here goes :

 

If you’re a Dominatrix, I’ve probably shagged you. Not you in particular, but someone like you. I’ve seen all kinds, and let’s face it, there are many. I don’t actively pursue dominatrix’, though somehow I seem to encounter leather bound mistresses in a-lot of my sexual deviances. I’m not going to sugar-coat this; I’ve been spanked, whacked, whipped and abused, chained up, bound, shackled, tortured and humiliated all for a bit of the ol’ hank-ie pank, out-in-out-in. I’m no masochist but at the end of the day I often find myself in this scenario, weird.

So, who am I not to share, albeit Letterman style, the different variations I’ve encountered with our domineering friends. Here goes :

6.  The Alphamatrix

Ok, so I’m not sure where this trend started, but I’ve seen an emergence of what I like to refer to as the Alphamatrix. They travel in packs of two or more, one usually playing the ‘bait’, the cute playful thing looking to lure you in, the other usually less attractive but much more outspoken friend is there to make crude coy suggestions that for some reason are strangely alluring. Our plain friend will eventually be the one to initiate things and once she has taken control of the situation she will lead for the rest of the night. This is her game. Her friend becomes a simple plaything in her game, a game which is less about you and more about them. These girls have some kind of history, and at some point this has turned into a sexual power play which was lost/won long ago and you’re experiencing the sad end to this. These girls will be locked with one another forever working through this same sad scenario. I honestly don’t know if either of them enjoy this game and it all seems rather unhealthy. But who am I to judge. I had two thoughts at the conclusion of my last experience with an Alphamatrix as I grabbed my shoes to make my escape and watched the girl being humiliated into eating my leftovers from her friend - this is all rather sad and I wish I’d worn a Jimmy.

5. The Stripper

I went through a phase of picking up strippers. I’m not proud of it now, but I was at the time. Its hard work taking home a stripper on account of the monetary obligation attached to it, and, unlike what many people think, yes, they take their clothes off for money, but fucking is a different thing, they’re not whores.

It’d been a while since I’d been in a strip club, they are not really my thing, the smell weirds me out, and the girls seem unclean and broken, but one evening I found myself in one and figured I’d make the most of it.

I came across an odd encounter this night, a stripper actually putting on clothes. We got back to my place (a strict no-no - imparting your home address to a stripper) and from nothing but a thong I watched as she strapped and secured leather and boots, chains and straps and laced up to the nines. Apparently, a lot of strippers are into this, I’m not sure if it’s a broken child-hood thing, a sense of power, Candy said she was taking something back. Men leered at her all day, she was punishing us back, all I know was that it took me by surprise and it fucking hurt, I loved it!

4.  The Girlfriend-Girlfriend Experience

Ok, this one weird’s me out the most, I’m not sure why, I think it’s because of the intense man-hate that you encounter with it, they will fuck you, but they will let you know how disgusting they think it is at the same time.  

The first-time I encountered this I was out with some friends on what seemed like another carbon copy boring night out.  We were in a night-club and I was watching some sad old birds desperate for a bit of attention, some human affection, trolling for men. It was all getting a bit boring, a tad old, and the money going across the bar was starting to pinch the wallet.

I came across two girls, one; a gorgeous pocket-rocket vivacious and over-confident, the other a slightly frumpish girl in rather dull clothes, they couldn’t have been any more different from one another. Plain Donna was over-protective and aggressive and I quickly found out that they were an item. To say I was bored with the frumpish friend was an understatement, she was dull and inattentive. However, at the direction of the pocket-rocket, she guided my hand under her friend’s shirt to find a tightly bound PVC corset that seemed endless, needless to say, my opinion of her abruptly changed. Quickly fixing up the bill, I found myself back at their hotel room to encounter what would be an intense few hours of sexual man-hate and abuse. I didn’t exactly see the point in the hate, why satisfy me in the first place if you hate my gender, why would you want my dick in you if you hate men so much? Anyhow, I put it down to an experience and moved on. I thought fuck it I’ll take a whip and a shag now and have a story in the pocket for later.

3.  The Artificial Bad Girl

Honestly, this type I can’t stand. With all of the leathers that I’ve encountered, this one shits me the most. My first encounter with the faux Bad Girl was a chance meeting at a party one night. I had been introduced to a wholesome looking girl who had been overtly sexual in her conversation all evening. This girl was sexual and she wanted you to know it. It’s not unusual to meet a girl in her early 20’s that feels compelled to let you know that they’re a “woman” now. They need you to know that the sex they’re having is amazing . Nobody has experienced the intense crazy sex they’re putting out there and it’s unlikely that anyone ever will. They are rebellious sex pioneers, forging new territories with their vaginas. They are seductresses you see. Hmmmmm, right.

Anyhow, she prattled on tirelessly about her passion for leather, so, needless to say, after a couple of sneaky Merlots I took her up on her offer and we scurried back to her apartment and up to her room. Once back, she flirtatiously asked me to wait on the bed while she slipped into something uncomfortable; a terrible pun on a tired cliché that made me shudder. She came back in an expensive formulaic outfit, the cliché mistress get-up, filled out by the most sexually awkward girl I’d ever seen trying to play the part. She probably had a nurse outfit and a school uniform in her wardrobe too, as everyone knows these are sexy and irresistible to men and she was the most sexually liberated bad girl around, simply irresistible – yes sarcasm. I apologise for the sarcasm and that is all.

2.  The Online Feline

These girls are crazy, and yes, I strongly advise a)taking them up on any and all offers, and b)wearing protection. They aren’t online to find love or meet their perfect partner, they treat the internet like most men: to find crazy messed up sex and fast……and memes. These girls are prepared, they know what they want and they know how to get it. They aren’t your traditional chains and all mistress, but they do like to get a bit weird and funky. Their family, friends and work colleagues have no idea what filthy minxy beasts they really are and this gets them wet. If you ever meet a dominatrix online, whether it on a dating site/hook-up site, craigslist, whatever, I strongly advise opting in, these girls may not be your typical dominatrix, but they are an experience.

1.  The Real Deal

To be honest, this I still haven’t experienced. Over the years I have thought about visiting a Dominatrix to pay for the Dominatrix “experience” but it is a line that I’m not ready to cross. So, until that point, or until I get absolutely owned in the future by the genuine “real deal” hardcore mistress, I will continue alone relatively unimpressed by my foray into the underworld of the Mistress scene.

So, in closing, a couple of things I’ve learnt from my experiences with our leather bound friends. Dominatrix will fuck you. It’s an urban myth that they won’t and whoever put this myth out there is useless tit. Always wear a rain-coat even if it doesn’t look like drizzling. Never take strippers back to the place you call home, they will cry and ask to stay at your place while you go to work, the answer is always NO. Be nice to those that serve you food.

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